Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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