He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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