so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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