take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
