Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
