how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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