Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my poor anus
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
