i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize