So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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