So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
