Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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