if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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