I can tuck mytits in my pants
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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