I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize