omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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