whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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