people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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