no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
