when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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