My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
