Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize