i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
