Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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