Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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(256): View more from Alabama

There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.

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(972): View more from Texas

So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.

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(419): View more from Ohio

You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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(713): View more from Texas

I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.

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(512): View more from Texas

Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?

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