after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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