Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
