apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
