I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
