it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
