I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
