so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
