Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
