I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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