I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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