so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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