How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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