Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
