craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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