He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
