my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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