There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
