my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
