We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
