i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize