1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
