with your own penis?
You work out of a Hotel?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
