I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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