I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
