no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize