You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
worst night to have a conscience
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
