you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the condom got lost in my hair
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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