So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
