For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
