How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
