We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize