My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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