How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
