its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
