you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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