addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
