I wish my penis had an off switch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
