I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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