Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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