she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
