It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize