there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
