There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
