He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
