We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
