Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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