new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
