Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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