It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
