you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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