I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
