awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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