you turned your livingroom into a bong?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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