my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
