There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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