I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
