Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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