I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
