He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
