I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
