i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize