i love accidental penises.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
