Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
