This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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