who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
