New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
