you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
