i don't plan on having that self control this summer
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
