miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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